In a show business world where gossip and conjecture
and rumour and tittle tattle can often reign supreme,
Paul Merton may feel himself lucky to have got off relatively
lightly. The most savage bit of whisper mongering he has
encountered in recent years was the scandalous claims
from one tabloid that he and Noel Edmonds were going head
to head for the Countdown chair. 'It’s true that
I was asked if I wanted to audition for it but I said
no and then this piece appeared. I was amused by the notion
and flattered by it, but the reality of that show is that
they record five a day for three weeks and then you have
a whole series for six months or whatever it is. The people
who watch and play the game take it very seriously. Even
if you could think of gags in the course of three weeks
for six months of programming, you couldn't think of enough
and the people who watch it don't want gags, they just
want the quiz.'
I
feel slightly guilty telling Merton that I have come from
Edinburgh to meet him, with two sour experiences of the
Fringe living vividly in his memory. In 1986 he was attacked
while helping put up a friend's poster and the following
year he found himself in a hospital bed after breaking
a leg during a comedians' football game, eventually contracting
hepatitis A. The reviews had been kind to him at that
point but his premature Fringe burial meant taking a financial
hit which he found tough to recover from.
He can just about see the funny side of such incidents
now, which is fortunate as Merton has an appealing laugh,
at one point along its trajectory hearty, at its extreme
end almost bellowing. Not at anything that I have to say,
mind you, but of the daft things he's encountered down
his near three decades in the comedy business. Such as
recalling one of the inspirations for his own early stand-up,
Alexei Sayle, Merton saw him perform at London's Raymond
Revue Bar at the dawn of the 1980s, with his tight suit
on and his hat down over his eyes, 'doing this extraordinary
thing he called the stream of tastelessness which was
every single swear word you could think of just put into
a sentence without any other words at all and getting
faster and faster with this aggression and his Scouse
attitude. It was hilarious.'
With perfectly valid reasons, people find Paul Merton
hilarious. Even those who have had their fill of the long-running
Have I Got News For You (later today, after our interview,
something to eat and a quick nap, he's off recording more
of the show's 35thseries) concede that the bamboozled
surrealist shtick he's cultivated on the show to utter
perfection is still enough to make them tune in from time
to time. Meanwhile, hardcore fans will get all dewy-eyed
when dragging up recollections of his Channel 4 affair
Paul Merton: The Series, a sketch show which lasted two
seasons in 1991 and 1993 and in that Fast Show/Newman
& Baddielera of the sketch show catchphrase, the closest
Merton got to his words rattling around the schoolyards
or offices of the nation were 'innit marvellous?',the
concluding remark uttered by his only regular character
who, were this The Simpsons, would be called Newspaper
Kiosk Guy.
Mr Merton and I have gathered together today in his management
company's office in central London to chat about his latest
venture as he goes back on the road with his Impro Chums.
Although Merton's face fills the poster and the show title
reminds us that we can spend time with Paul's pals, he
is never less than gracious when talking about his fellow
ad libbing colleagues, Suki Webster, Richard Vranch, Lee
Simpson and Mike McShane who is replacing improvstalwart
Jim Sweeney who is now too unwell with the multiple sclerosis
he has suffered from since 1985 to carry on touring.
So, what is the main appeal of improvisational comedy
to Merton? 'I compare it to the years when I did stand-up
in the early to mid 80s. Bits of it were fun, the bits
on stage, but when I'm sitting in some dressing room backstage
at half time and hearing the buzz of hopefully excited
people and I'm here on my own, I think 'why am I here
on my own?' Compared to that there are five people on
this tour and we travel around on a coach with each show
being different every night; that’s a key thing.
If you get an idea that you think is a funny idea, you
don’t have to pitch it, you just do it and find
out there and then if it’s funny. Normally it is,
but if it isn't, then this person on stage with you will
have a better idea and if they don't, then this other
person will and it'll happen given time. This freedom
to just come up with stuff and not have to take it to
anybody or get a show of hands can be liberating.'
In the current climate of audiences wishing to be as much
of a star as the genuinely famous (a cult which covers
everything from X-Factor auditioning to comedy club heckling),
a regular avenue for the public to gain a vicarious sense
of fame is via the improvised stage act and the potentially
dreaded 'audience suggestion.' Merton must have heard
a few crackers in his time? 'The things that people write
down in the dark under the cloak of anonymity can sometimes
be quite scary. We might look at something and think 'we
just can't do that'. If you ever see someone pick up a
card and say 'I can't do that one', it's almost always
on the grounds of taste. They might be homophobic, say,
or there was the one where within a month of the London
underground attacks, we had a card that said: 'travel
on the underground with a rucksack stuffed with explosives'.
Now, that's just not going to work and if we tried it
we'd end up being booed for someone else's suggestion.'
Merton once told Melvyn Bragg that many people were unaware
of his previous life as a stand-up comic and believed
that he was 'born to sit behind a desk and make quips
about the week's news.' Anyone who still believes that
clearly hasn't seen him in his latest reincarnation as
esteemed TV traveller, following in the footsteps of Michael
Palin by heading off to very distant foreign soil accompanied
by a camera crew and interpreters, being led on by an
inquisitive eye and kept cheerful with a dry English wit.
For Five, Merton has visited China and soon he will be
viewed in the follow-up, heading to India for a gruelling
two-month stay.
'From the crew's point of view, we got better material
than the China series, but it was an intensive thing and
I reached a level of exhaustion where I was getting chest
infections and a bad stomach but since I've been back,
I've mainly just been lying around.' Without putting too
fine a point on it, did any of the Indian cuisine match
up to the delicacies he savoured in China, such as the
donkey penis? 'Nothing can compare to that. They tried
me on sheep's brains fairly early on but some Indian food
can be a bit ordinary and once in a while in a luxury
hotel you find you’re going for something on the
western menu or the Chinese menu to just have something
different.'
Such programmes can only really work with a steady stream
of oddballs and eccentrics falling into the presenter's
path. In India, Merton struck gold. 'Inevitably your question
leads me to BB Nayak, who holds the world record for receiving
the highest consecutive kicks to his groin, which numbered
44. He'd picked out five people to kick him ten times
each, but the fifth guy didn’t turn up. So we went
down to see him and he asked me to kick him in the groin
which I did with a steady rhythm; he congratulated me
for my accuracy. Later that day, he established another
world record at a local sports stadium by doing a series
of cartwheels by using only the knuckles on one hand and
he did 30 of those in a minute.'
Having passed his 50thbirthday last year, Merton is showing
little sign of slowing down. Once the Impro Chums tour
cranks out its final ad lib at the end of June, he'll
be getting ready to direct and appear in a documentary
for BBC4 about the British movies made by Alfred Hitchcock.
'Maybe I've changed physically, but I don't feel any different.
I feel 30. But there were people I went to school with
who when they were 16 were really 40 while there were
people I worked with in the Tooting employment office
like this 60-year-old guy who had the spirit of a 20-year-old,
so it’s just how you feel really. There's a Dave
Allen line that says it’s better than the alternative.
I'm still pleased to be working and doing it.' And while
he has his last laugh of the interview, the nation prepares
to chuckle at the improvisational genius of Paul Merton
and his fantastic foursome.
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Brian Donaldson
Freelance Writer